OK, so before we get into the rundown of our very first on-court Saturday training session, just a quick announcement that as of this morning the Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) had 5,094,456 definitions, and one of them is mine.
So if you want to know the real meaning of the word bi-polar, it is now online for your convenience...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bi-polar
Back to more netball related activities. OK, so do you remember that song by Big Audio Dynamite? "Not everything is singing you know. The only important thing these days is rhythm and melody" Catchy tune. And as it so happens totally applicable to netball...
"Not everything is playing you know. The only important thing these days is balance and footwork"
It was a real back to basics session, attended by Lemons, Michelini, Tonah, Mossy and myself. Running the training session and also finding the elusive light switches was Party-Dave ably assisted by Loz. Injured on the sidelines was The Mac, I asked him what he'd done to himself, and he reckons he has the same leg-injury as Dr House but slightly worse. And taking pictures from the Northcote rafters was Leesy.
Of course we would have preferred to be in Brisbane or even Bali, but you know, something about dedication, blah blah blah...
So we did a bit of a morning jog and some stretching and then we started on the basics. In my mind I was a bit like Baby in the first half of Dirty Dancing, a little awkward but you could see the potential and my ass looked awesome in denim cut-offs. According to cruel and biased observers it was more like that you-tube video of the amazingly drunk guy going into a store and trying heroically to stand-up...do yourself a favour if you haven't seen it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kLqahiyuSs
I have to admit the other squad newbies, didn't look quite so drunk. Michelin-Man is definitely a ballerina, probably in a past life though, as her feet are too big in this lifetime.
See you Wednesday beaches...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Oh The Humanity!
You know when you build something up in your mind, and you know it's going to really suck, but then it actually happens and it sucks way worse than you ever imagined? That was what happened to the Mixed Squad down at South Melbourne beach on Wednesday the 7th of July.
Yes, that was the day that the pants came off and my incredibly pasty legs were revealed to the world. I once had my legs colour matched by one of those super paint computers that they have at Bunnings. And if you want to buy a tin of Albino-Shut-In, by law they have to sell you some tinted safety goggles to protect you from the glare.
Anyhow, once the giggling had died down, we got down to business. Vichael Mossy alerted the team that she had resigned from the exciting world of automotive sales and repairs to concentrate full-time on preparing for Nationals. She may have gone crazy, I'll have to keep an eye out for any future signs.
Apologies for the evening were Hullsy (playing netball), Bec (obsessed with Masterchef) and The Mac (shaving his legs). Special Guest Star for this session, KT Le Clerc, who apparently isn't related to former South African leader FW de Klerk, and really doesn't like it when you pretend her Grandpa invented apartheid.
So after that controversial start to the evening, it was good to start running. After a solid warm-up on the hard stuff (concrete not bourbon) it was down to the sand. Without going into all the gruesome details, the sand session was like a fairytale...
Goldy-Loz and The Three Levels Of Fitness
Goldy-Loz saw that the Who's-Your-Daddy-Bear found the session too hard... (Tonah and Bav)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Mama-Bear found the session too easy (freaks like Ryza and Lemons)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Of-Course-I'll-Marry-You-Baby-Bear found the session just right (KT and Mossy)
Anyone not mentioned, just pick your favourite group...
The End...
Additional - do not arm-wrestle Kylie Malone, she spent the entire session doing push-ups and cracking open coconuts with her bare hands. It was scary to watch, but the cocktail she served afterwards in the half-coconut shell with the big curly straw and the little umbrella, made the whole evening worthwhile.
Yes, that was the day that the pants came off and my incredibly pasty legs were revealed to the world. I once had my legs colour matched by one of those super paint computers that they have at Bunnings. And if you want to buy a tin of Albino-Shut-In, by law they have to sell you some tinted safety goggles to protect you from the glare.
Anyhow, once the giggling had died down, we got down to business. Vichael Mossy alerted the team that she had resigned from the exciting world of automotive sales and repairs to concentrate full-time on preparing for Nationals. She may have gone crazy, I'll have to keep an eye out for any future signs.
Apologies for the evening were Hullsy (playing netball), Bec (obsessed with Masterchef) and The Mac (shaving his legs). Special Guest Star for this session, KT Le Clerc, who apparently isn't related to former South African leader FW de Klerk, and really doesn't like it when you pretend her Grandpa invented apartheid.
So after that controversial start to the evening, it was good to start running. After a solid warm-up on the hard stuff (concrete not bourbon) it was down to the sand. Without going into all the gruesome details, the sand session was like a fairytale...
Goldy-Loz and The Three Levels Of Fitness
Goldy-Loz saw that the Who's-Your-Daddy-Bear found the session too hard... (Tonah and Bav)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Mama-Bear found the session too easy (freaks like Ryza and Lemons)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Of-Course-I'll-Marry-You-Baby-Bear found the session just right (KT and Mossy)
Anyone not mentioned, just pick your favourite group...
The End...
Additional - do not arm-wrestle Kylie Malone, she spent the entire session doing push-ups and cracking open coconuts with her bare hands. It was scary to watch, but the cocktail she served afterwards in the half-coconut shell with the big curly straw and the little umbrella, made the whole evening worthwhile.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Coldest Day Of The Year
Wednesday the 30th of June, the last day of the Financial Year, and as luck would have it, one of the coldest and windiest days in the history of the world.
I was heading towards Kerferd Rd pier with Lee Lemons for our first beach fitness session, and I'm thinking to myself, "You are an important finance type guy. You definitely could have said you were busy with end of financial year stuff and got out of this. You've been using that excuse at work for a week now and everyone has bought it"
But no, I had sucked it up, put on a couple of t-shirts, a jumper, a coat and a beanie, and was going to training. We parked at the beach and eventually found the rest of the squad. The Mac and Mossy were missing, Hullsy was off steering Blaze towards the finals and the Official Squad Paparazzo was off trying to get a shot of Dannii Minogue's baby-bump, but everyone else was present and accounted for.
We went down and met the sand, got introduced to various wooden posts, and then went back to the bags to drop trou. However just before said trou reached half-mast, Dave, or as I renamed him that night, You-Freaking-Legend, announced that Night 1 was to be a team-bonding session, exercise cancelled.
Milkshakes, pizzas with king prawns whacked on-top, beers and no exercise, finally a training regime I can fully support.
Still waiting for Girl To Be Named Later to be named, we have realised we probably need someone who speaks French, otherwise none of us may ever get our meals or Valeer Milkshakes ever again.
I was heading towards Kerferd Rd pier with Lee Lemons for our first beach fitness session, and I'm thinking to myself, "You are an important finance type guy. You definitely could have said you were busy with end of financial year stuff and got out of this. You've been using that excuse at work for a week now and everyone has bought it"
But no, I had sucked it up, put on a couple of t-shirts, a jumper, a coat and a beanie, and was going to training. We parked at the beach and eventually found the rest of the squad. The Mac and Mossy were missing, Hullsy was off steering Blaze towards the finals and the Official Squad Paparazzo was off trying to get a shot of Dannii Minogue's baby-bump, but everyone else was present and accounted for.
We went down and met the sand, got introduced to various wooden posts, and then went back to the bags to drop trou. However just before said trou reached half-mast, Dave, or as I renamed him that night, You-Freaking-Legend, announced that Night 1 was to be a team-bonding session, exercise cancelled.
Milkshakes, pizzas with king prawns whacked on-top, beers and no exercise, finally a training regime I can fully support.
Still waiting for Girl To Be Named Later to be named, we have realised we probably need someone who speaks French, otherwise none of us may ever get our meals or Valeer Milkshakes ever again.
It's Time To Meet The Squad
Let's meet the squad for 2010, I would say that the order is random, but I just took it straight from the letter that Mel sent out;
Pictures will probably be added once the Team Archivist gets her hands on enough pictures.
Dave Smith (Coach) - according to The Urban Dictionary, "Dave" is defined as "A term used to refer to the coolest person in a group." - "Oh man, I was the Dave of the party.". So he's got that going for him.
Esther Coppin (Team Manager) - if she'd married Garry instead of Geoff, she'd be Esther Bester. Please let that be the first time that joke has been used.
Garry Bester (Therapist) - he's part analyst and part therapist, what we call an Anal-Rapist. Thank you Arrested Development.
Anthony Collinder - we call him Tonah because once you get him on your hands, he's impossible to get rid of. Either that or because he likes Ice Cream Conah's, one of those.
Ryan Miller - a.k.a. Ryza, a.k.a. Ryanair. He's your go-to-guy for cheap European flights.
Alex McPhie - The Mac, in England he'd just be known as The Raincoat.
Kyle Dohnt - Bav. True story, he once asked for A VB so many times one day, that he started slurring badly and saying B AV, and it stuck. Not a true story.
Renee Hulls - will be known as Renee Sculls by the end of Presentation Night.
Kylie Malone - Malone is an Irish name, Ryanair is an Irish airline. I see a conspiracy here...
Karen Moss - Mossy, not Mossey and definitely not Moosey. Brisbane's greatest captain was a redhead named Vossy. I'm definitely seeing some parallels here.
Lee Jacobs - much more commonly known as Lee Lemons It's Not A Sexual Thing, Lemons for short.
Rebecca Michelini - likes to go to restaurants and award them Michelini stars, also owns the Michelini tyre company.
Girl To Be Named Later - Very popular with people at nightclubs. "Tonight I am definitely going home with Girl To Be Named Later"
Lauren Atkin (Team Subject Matter Expert) - Surely if Loz can give up the drink for nine months, Tonah can give it up for the nine days in Queensland? Definitely not I think... Get your own blog Tonah...
Elisa Caldwell (Team Archivist) - if you think someone is watching you, you are probably right. She has a powerful zoom lens, a lightning fast trigger finger and a sixth sense for nip-slips. I think she killed Princess Di...
Pictures will probably be added once the Team Archivist gets her hands on enough pictures.
Dave Smith (Coach) - according to The Urban Dictionary, "Dave" is defined as "A term used to refer to the coolest person in a group." - "Oh man, I was the Dave of the party.". So he's got that going for him.
Esther Coppin (Team Manager) - if she'd married Garry instead of Geoff, she'd be Esther Bester. Please let that be the first time that joke has been used.
Garry Bester (Therapist) - he's part analyst and part therapist, what we call an Anal-Rapist. Thank you Arrested Development.
Anthony Collinder - we call him Tonah because once you get him on your hands, he's impossible to get rid of. Either that or because he likes Ice Cream Conah's, one of those.
Ryan Miller - a.k.a. Ryza, a.k.a. Ryanair. He's your go-to-guy for cheap European flights.
Alex McPhie - The Mac, in England he'd just be known as The Raincoat.
Kyle Dohnt - Bav. True story, he once asked for A VB so many times one day, that he started slurring badly and saying B AV, and it stuck. Not a true story.
Renee Hulls - will be known as Renee Sculls by the end of Presentation Night.
Kylie Malone - Malone is an Irish name, Ryanair is an Irish airline. I see a conspiracy here...
Karen Moss - Mossy, not Mossey and definitely not Moosey. Brisbane's greatest captain was a redhead named Vossy. I'm definitely seeing some parallels here.
Lee Jacobs - much more commonly known as Lee Lemons It's Not A Sexual Thing, Lemons for short.
Rebecca Michelini - likes to go to restaurants and award them Michelini stars, also owns the Michelini tyre company.
Girl To Be Named Later - Very popular with people at nightclubs. "Tonight I am definitely going home with Girl To Be Named Later"
Lauren Atkin (Team Subject Matter Expert) - Surely if Loz can give up the drink for nine months, Tonah can give it up for the nine days in Queensland? Definitely not I think... Get your own blog Tonah...
Elisa Caldwell (Team Archivist) - if you think someone is watching you, you are probably right. She has a powerful zoom lens, a lightning fast trigger finger and a sixth sense for nip-slips. I think she killed Princess Di...
The Induction
I didn't get along to Nationals trials, so our story starts on June 25th on a rainy Friday night out in Croydon. I knew that the brains-trust for the 2010 Mixed side were coming along to take a look at Lee Lemons to see whether she had the right stuff, but to be perfectly honest I was paying more attention to the Geelong vs. St Kilda game that was on TV at the same time.
As luck would have it, we were playing a fairly non-competitive team, let's call them the Northern Territory of Friday nights, and everyone looked pretty good as we compiled a 75-10 victory. So it came as no surprise when Lemons got the call telling her that she was in.
The next call however was much more surprising. According to urban legend, when Dave Smith calls and the time plus the number of drinks you have consumed adds up to be more than twelve, you will say yes to whatever he asks. So it was 10 o'clock and I had had 5 beers, so when he called me up and offered me a spot in the squad, I wanted to say yes straight away, but I made him wait a whole extra day, because that's the type of guy I am.
But what exactly had I gotten myself into? Only time would tell...
As luck would have it, we were playing a fairly non-competitive team, let's call them the Northern Territory of Friday nights, and everyone looked pretty good as we compiled a 75-10 victory. So it came as no surprise when Lemons got the call telling her that she was in.
The next call however was much more surprising. According to urban legend, when Dave Smith calls and the time plus the number of drinks you have consumed adds up to be more than twelve, you will say yes to whatever he asks. So it was 10 o'clock and I had had 5 beers, so when he called me up and offered me a spot in the squad, I wanted to say yes straight away, but I made him wait a whole extra day, because that's the type of guy I am.
But what exactly had I gotten myself into? Only time would tell...
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