Sorry to get out of sequence on your asses, but I wanted to post this one before you read about it on the internet. So it turns out that when we were at Kingpin a couple of nights ago, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers were also at the lanes. They were the group about 4 lanes over who were naked except for bowling shoes and socks covering their junk.
Anyway they've just re-released one of their classic songs as a tribute to one of our very own;
Give It Away (Rysah's Song)
Hello there, my name is Rysah
When I bowl it goes a little scheisser
Been taking too many pills by Pfizer
Want to walk got to strap it to my thighsa
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
When I bowl it ends up in the gutter
When I bowl my run-up has a stutter
Turn around and I hear the people mutter
Holy crap that bloke there is a nutter
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming
Friday, July 30, 2010
Fetlock & Load
It was another coolish Wednesday night when the 2010 squad gathered down at the Kerferd Rd pier. Malone was missing while she trained with a netball team called the Healesville Sanctuary if that is a real team, their website is nothing but cuddly koalas. Other than that, it was all hands on deck.
Tragedy struck in the first five minutes of the beach session. Moss, who can always be found in cool, damp places, injured a fetlock during the warm-up run. We didn't call the vet to come down and administer some 22 caliber medicine just yet, because we've all grown rather fond of her. But I'm fairly confident that we'll see her at the Parawealth Games in Delhi this October.
Hey that reminds me, did you know that the Commonwealth Games are on at the same time as Nationals? Opening Ceremony is October 3rd, and Closing Ceremony is October 14th. This really puts a crimp in my plans to take leave from work, order the Foxtel package and spend a fortnight drinking beer and eating spicy curries while working on my Delhi-Jelly-Belly.
Speaking of delicious cheesy garlic naan bread, this last beach session really took a lot of carbs out of the old tank. The best warm-up man in the business took us through some light run-throughs and some stretches before we hit the sand, and then it's all sort of a blur.
But before we get to the parts about the running, as this was Hullsy's first session, I have to tell you, teeth, not insanely Bali-dentist super-white. I haven't got any feedback from Rysah about the boobs yet though, every time I say, "Hey Rysah, boobs?" he just says, "heh...boobs...heh heh". He's very Beavis and Butthead about the whole topic.
And then came the running. We ran in straight lines, we ran in squares, we ran in diagonals. We ran around Loz, which seems to be getting tougher every week. We did push-ups and bridges in between running in diagonals, I breathed in a lot of sand, we did footwork drills in the sand, I coughed up a lot of sand, we ran more straight lines. The whole thing was cruel, and surely it can't be a coincidence that you can't spell VADER without D, A, V, E
And then at the end, I said no to pizza, which should have been an obvious sign that I had developed an embolism in my brain. I mean who says no to pizza? Especially volcano pizza with king prawns?
Tragedy struck in the first five minutes of the beach session. Moss, who can always be found in cool, damp places, injured a fetlock during the warm-up run. We didn't call the vet to come down and administer some 22 caliber medicine just yet, because we've all grown rather fond of her. But I'm fairly confident that we'll see her at the Parawealth Games in Delhi this October.
Hey that reminds me, did you know that the Commonwealth Games are on at the same time as Nationals? Opening Ceremony is October 3rd, and Closing Ceremony is October 14th. This really puts a crimp in my plans to take leave from work, order the Foxtel package and spend a fortnight drinking beer and eating spicy curries while working on my Delhi-Jelly-Belly.
Speaking of delicious cheesy garlic naan bread, this last beach session really took a lot of carbs out of the old tank. The best warm-up man in the business took us through some light run-throughs and some stretches before we hit the sand, and then it's all sort of a blur.
But before we get to the parts about the running, as this was Hullsy's first session, I have to tell you, teeth, not insanely Bali-dentist super-white. I haven't got any feedback from Rysah about the boobs yet though, every time I say, "Hey Rysah, boobs?" he just says, "heh...boobs...heh heh". He's very Beavis and Butthead about the whole topic.
And then came the running. We ran in straight lines, we ran in squares, we ran in diagonals. We ran around Loz, which seems to be getting tougher every week. We did push-ups and bridges in between running in diagonals, I breathed in a lot of sand, we did footwork drills in the sand, I coughed up a lot of sand, we ran more straight lines. The whole thing was cruel, and surely it can't be a coincidence that you can't spell VADER without D, A, V, E
And then at the end, I said no to pizza, which should have been an obvious sign that I had developed an embolism in my brain. I mean who says no to pizza? Especially volcano pizza with king prawns?
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Pineapple Express
Northcote at 9am on a Saturday morning, and I used to think it was cold on a Friday night. At least on a Friday night they sling a pizza your way if you hang around and enjoy a drink or two, it doesn't look like Esther Bester has brought any pizzas...
The Mac gets out of his wheelchair and joins the squad on court for the first time this year. He looks a bit awkward until his awesome pace breaks apart the leg braces that he is wearing. Run, Alex, Run!
Joining the Mac for this session are the Triple M netball commentary team (Malone, Michelini & Moss) along with Dave, Esther, KT, Leesy, Lemons, Loz, Ryza and Tonah. Twelve? That doesn't seem right...oh yeah, I was there too. Let's forget this paragraph ever existed, that was I can use that Triple M line in a better context.
It's the whole squad except for Hullsy, she's spending a suspiciously long time in Bali. Maybe she's read about the bargain prices on dentistry and plastic surgery that are available over there. I better keep an eye out for unbelievably white teeth when she gets back. Ryan volunteers to keep an eye out for huge boobs, not specifically on Hullsy, just in general.
Mac takes us through the warm-up. Leesy's parents have a dog that is also called Mac, he slobbers a lot and runs around like a crazy thing. What a small world.
We then do some footwork drills, and this week I look less like an Oktoberfest Oompa dancer after 12 steins of beer, and more like an Oktoberfest Oompa dancer after 10 steins, that my friends is measurable progress. Hopefully I improve before Tonah brings along his tuba to help me out with my rhythm.
Musical fact - Tonah doesn't actually play the tuba, but he does do an awesome version of Tiny Tonah Tiptoes Through The Tulips on his ukulele.
We then run through a triangle drill, I've spent all week brushing up on basic trigonometry and re-visiting Pythagorean Theorems, but I'm still not quite getting it. I'm possibly over-thinking it.
Some more passing, some more running, some surprise lollies and I've totally forgiven Es for the pizzas. KT who was obviously only there for the lollies decides that it's time to head off for the day, she's dropping her folks off at Caulfield for a drunken day at the races. It's the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, KT, Hakuna Matata!
We finish off with some half-court match practice where Dave encourages us to recreate the patterns of play we saw at the video night. Alex jumps on Ryan and rides him to the ground, rides him hard. Dave must have put on the good stuff after we'd left.
A final stretching session to finish. Strawberries and orange slices are handed around, a request is made for pineapple for next week, mainly due to it's positive affects in improving the taste of certain bodily fluids. Tonah hadn't heard that fact before, however Loz who spent the previous 6 months insisting he stop eating asparagus as an afternoon snack every day, doesn't seem surprised.
The Mac gets out of his wheelchair and joins the squad on court for the first time this year. He looks a bit awkward until his awesome pace breaks apart the leg braces that he is wearing. Run, Alex, Run!
Joining the Mac for this session are the Triple M netball commentary team (Malone, Michelini & Moss) along with Dave, Esther, KT, Leesy, Lemons, Loz, Ryza and Tonah. Twelve? That doesn't seem right...oh yeah, I was there too. Let's forget this paragraph ever existed, that was I can use that Triple M line in a better context.
It's the whole squad except for Hullsy, she's spending a suspiciously long time in Bali. Maybe she's read about the bargain prices on dentistry and plastic surgery that are available over there. I better keep an eye out for unbelievably white teeth when she gets back. Ryan volunteers to keep an eye out for huge boobs, not specifically on Hullsy, just in general.
Mac takes us through the warm-up. Leesy's parents have a dog that is also called Mac, he slobbers a lot and runs around like a crazy thing. What a small world.
We then do some footwork drills, and this week I look less like an Oktoberfest Oompa dancer after 12 steins of beer, and more like an Oktoberfest Oompa dancer after 10 steins, that my friends is measurable progress. Hopefully I improve before Tonah brings along his tuba to help me out with my rhythm.
Musical fact - Tonah doesn't actually play the tuba, but he does do an awesome version of Tiny Tonah Tiptoes Through The Tulips on his ukulele.
We then run through a triangle drill, I've spent all week brushing up on basic trigonometry and re-visiting Pythagorean Theorems, but I'm still not quite getting it. I'm possibly over-thinking it.
Some more passing, some more running, some surprise lollies and I've totally forgiven Es for the pizzas. KT who was obviously only there for the lollies decides that it's time to head off for the day, she's dropping her folks off at Caulfield for a drunken day at the races. It's the circle of life. Hakuna Matata, KT, Hakuna Matata!
We finish off with some half-court match practice where Dave encourages us to recreate the patterns of play we saw at the video night. Alex jumps on Ryan and rides him to the ground, rides him hard. Dave must have put on the good stuff after we'd left.
A final stretching session to finish. Strawberries and orange slices are handed around, a request is made for pineapple for next week, mainly due to it's positive affects in improving the taste of certain bodily fluids. Tonah hadn't heard that fact before, however Loz who spent the previous 6 months insisting he stop eating asparagus as an afternoon snack every day, doesn't seem surprised.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Date Night
It's Wednesday night again, and I'm very worried that the spark has gone out of our relationship. I was expecting to get very sweaty and be sore in the morning, but instead it was dinner and a movie and then straight home. I'm definitely going to write to Dolly Doctor for some advice...
Do they still have Dolly Doctor? Someone look that up for me...
We jumped in the car at about 5.30 on Wednesday evening, the sky was ominous, a few very heavy rain-drops had started to fall, and Facebook updates from Melbourne's west indicated that a very large storm was approaching.
Meanwhile, in a different part of Melbourne, Dave was taking a call from his personal weather-man Smiling Mike Larkan, who in real life has a thick Scottish accent, but hides it when he is on the telly...
SML: Och Dave muh laddie, you can't send your team out in this weather. It's sheer mudness boyo
DS: You listen to me Larkan, they'll train you hear? They'll train and they'll love it.
SML: I canna letch yoo do it. And I'll stop you the unly way I know how, by tulling the Channel Ten audience that there is a beeched whale down at Kerferd Road pier. Good luck running eight posts with three thousand huppies down there.
DS: Damn you Larkan, you win this round. By the way your accent went really Kiwi there towards the end.
SML: Yah, ut'll doo that. See you for brunch on Sunday.
DS: Toodle-pip
So the text message was sent out to all the players, training cancelled, come over for a video night. Personally with all the footwork issues I am working through, I was hoping for either Footloose or Centre Stage, but it was game tape from a practice game that the '09 squad played against the Men's team.
It was pretty good, and really instructive to see how things worked when people ran to the right spots. A couple of suggestions though, firstly, every presentation is better with a laser pointer. We have one we use to annoy our cats, they hate it so much... Secondly, get access to the Funniest Home Video sound-board. I love watching Mossy fall over as much as anyone, but put it in slow motion and with maybe a slide whistle, that's comedy gold.
Looking out my window right now, I can tell you that it looks like we will be down at the beach this week. I can also tell you that on the Par 3 at the Albert Park golf course that runs parallel to Queens Rd, the guy on the tee hit what looked like a 6-iron and came up short and left in the front trap.
Do they still have Dolly Doctor? Someone look that up for me...
We jumped in the car at about 5.30 on Wednesday evening, the sky was ominous, a few very heavy rain-drops had started to fall, and Facebook updates from Melbourne's west indicated that a very large storm was approaching.
Meanwhile, in a different part of Melbourne, Dave was taking a call from his personal weather-man Smiling Mike Larkan, who in real life has a thick Scottish accent, but hides it when he is on the telly...
SML: Och Dave muh laddie, you can't send your team out in this weather. It's sheer mudness boyo
DS: You listen to me Larkan, they'll train you hear? They'll train and they'll love it.
SML: I canna letch yoo do it. And I'll stop you the unly way I know how, by tulling the Channel Ten audience that there is a beeched whale down at Kerferd Road pier. Good luck running eight posts with three thousand huppies down there.
DS: Damn you Larkan, you win this round. By the way your accent went really Kiwi there towards the end.
SML: Yah, ut'll doo that. See you for brunch on Sunday.
DS: Toodle-pip
So the text message was sent out to all the players, training cancelled, come over for a video night. Personally with all the footwork issues I am working through, I was hoping for either Footloose or Centre Stage, but it was game tape from a practice game that the '09 squad played against the Men's team.
It was pretty good, and really instructive to see how things worked when people ran to the right spots. A couple of suggestions though, firstly, every presentation is better with a laser pointer. We have one we use to annoy our cats, they hate it so much... Secondly, get access to the Funniest Home Video sound-board. I love watching Mossy fall over as much as anyone, but put it in slow motion and with maybe a slide whistle, that's comedy gold.
Looking out my window right now, I can tell you that it looks like we will be down at the beach this week. I can also tell you that on the Par 3 at the Albert Park golf course that runs parallel to Queens Rd, the guy on the tee hit what looked like a 6-iron and came up short and left in the front trap.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Carried A Watermelon
OK, so before we get into the rundown of our very first on-court Saturday training session, just a quick announcement that as of this morning the Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) had 5,094,456 definitions, and one of them is mine.
So if you want to know the real meaning of the word bi-polar, it is now online for your convenience...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bi-polar
Back to more netball related activities. OK, so do you remember that song by Big Audio Dynamite? "Not everything is singing you know. The only important thing these days is rhythm and melody" Catchy tune. And as it so happens totally applicable to netball...
"Not everything is playing you know. The only important thing these days is balance and footwork"
It was a real back to basics session, attended by Lemons, Michelini, Tonah, Mossy and myself. Running the training session and also finding the elusive light switches was Party-Dave ably assisted by Loz. Injured on the sidelines was The Mac, I asked him what he'd done to himself, and he reckons he has the same leg-injury as Dr House but slightly worse. And taking pictures from the Northcote rafters was Leesy.
Of course we would have preferred to be in Brisbane or even Bali, but you know, something about dedication, blah blah blah...
So we did a bit of a morning jog and some stretching and then we started on the basics. In my mind I was a bit like Baby in the first half of Dirty Dancing, a little awkward but you could see the potential and my ass looked awesome in denim cut-offs. According to cruel and biased observers it was more like that you-tube video of the amazingly drunk guy going into a store and trying heroically to stand-up...do yourself a favour if you haven't seen it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kLqahiyuSs
I have to admit the other squad newbies, didn't look quite so drunk. Michelin-Man is definitely a ballerina, probably in a past life though, as her feet are too big in this lifetime.
See you Wednesday beaches...
So if you want to know the real meaning of the word bi-polar, it is now online for your convenience...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bi-polar
Back to more netball related activities. OK, so do you remember that song by Big Audio Dynamite? "Not everything is singing you know. The only important thing these days is rhythm and melody" Catchy tune. And as it so happens totally applicable to netball...
"Not everything is playing you know. The only important thing these days is balance and footwork"
It was a real back to basics session, attended by Lemons, Michelini, Tonah, Mossy and myself. Running the training session and also finding the elusive light switches was Party-Dave ably assisted by Loz. Injured on the sidelines was The Mac, I asked him what he'd done to himself, and he reckons he has the same leg-injury as Dr House but slightly worse. And taking pictures from the Northcote rafters was Leesy.
Of course we would have preferred to be in Brisbane or even Bali, but you know, something about dedication, blah blah blah...
So we did a bit of a morning jog and some stretching and then we started on the basics. In my mind I was a bit like Baby in the first half of Dirty Dancing, a little awkward but you could see the potential and my ass looked awesome in denim cut-offs. According to cruel and biased observers it was more like that you-tube video of the amazingly drunk guy going into a store and trying heroically to stand-up...do yourself a favour if you haven't seen it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kLqahiyuSs
I have to admit the other squad newbies, didn't look quite so drunk. Michelin-Man is definitely a ballerina, probably in a past life though, as her feet are too big in this lifetime.
See you Wednesday beaches...
Friday, July 9, 2010
Oh The Humanity!
You know when you build something up in your mind, and you know it's going to really suck, but then it actually happens and it sucks way worse than you ever imagined? That was what happened to the Mixed Squad down at South Melbourne beach on Wednesday the 7th of July.
Yes, that was the day that the pants came off and my incredibly pasty legs were revealed to the world. I once had my legs colour matched by one of those super paint computers that they have at Bunnings. And if you want to buy a tin of Albino-Shut-In, by law they have to sell you some tinted safety goggles to protect you from the glare.
Anyhow, once the giggling had died down, we got down to business. Vichael Mossy alerted the team that she had resigned from the exciting world of automotive sales and repairs to concentrate full-time on preparing for Nationals. She may have gone crazy, I'll have to keep an eye out for any future signs.
Apologies for the evening were Hullsy (playing netball), Bec (obsessed with Masterchef) and The Mac (shaving his legs). Special Guest Star for this session, KT Le Clerc, who apparently isn't related to former South African leader FW de Klerk, and really doesn't like it when you pretend her Grandpa invented apartheid.
So after that controversial start to the evening, it was good to start running. After a solid warm-up on the hard stuff (concrete not bourbon) it was down to the sand. Without going into all the gruesome details, the sand session was like a fairytale...
Goldy-Loz and The Three Levels Of Fitness
Goldy-Loz saw that the Who's-Your-Daddy-Bear found the session too hard... (Tonah and Bav)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Mama-Bear found the session too easy (freaks like Ryza and Lemons)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Of-Course-I'll-Marry-You-Baby-Bear found the session just right (KT and Mossy)
Anyone not mentioned, just pick your favourite group...
The End...
Additional - do not arm-wrestle Kylie Malone, she spent the entire session doing push-ups and cracking open coconuts with her bare hands. It was scary to watch, but the cocktail she served afterwards in the half-coconut shell with the big curly straw and the little umbrella, made the whole evening worthwhile.
Yes, that was the day that the pants came off and my incredibly pasty legs were revealed to the world. I once had my legs colour matched by one of those super paint computers that they have at Bunnings. And if you want to buy a tin of Albino-Shut-In, by law they have to sell you some tinted safety goggles to protect you from the glare.
Anyhow, once the giggling had died down, we got down to business. Vichael Mossy alerted the team that she had resigned from the exciting world of automotive sales and repairs to concentrate full-time on preparing for Nationals. She may have gone crazy, I'll have to keep an eye out for any future signs.
Apologies for the evening were Hullsy (playing netball), Bec (obsessed with Masterchef) and The Mac (shaving his legs). Special Guest Star for this session, KT Le Clerc, who apparently isn't related to former South African leader FW de Klerk, and really doesn't like it when you pretend her Grandpa invented apartheid.
So after that controversial start to the evening, it was good to start running. After a solid warm-up on the hard stuff (concrete not bourbon) it was down to the sand. Without going into all the gruesome details, the sand session was like a fairytale...
Goldy-Loz and The Three Levels Of Fitness
Goldy-Loz saw that the Who's-Your-Daddy-Bear found the session too hard... (Tonah and Bav)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Mama-Bear found the session too easy (freaks like Ryza and Lemons)
Goldy-Loz saw that the Of-Course-I'll-Marry-You-Baby-Bear found the session just right (KT and Mossy)
Anyone not mentioned, just pick your favourite group...
The End...
Additional - do not arm-wrestle Kylie Malone, she spent the entire session doing push-ups and cracking open coconuts with her bare hands. It was scary to watch, but the cocktail she served afterwards in the half-coconut shell with the big curly straw and the little umbrella, made the whole evening worthwhile.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Coldest Day Of The Year
Wednesday the 30th of June, the last day of the Financial Year, and as luck would have it, one of the coldest and windiest days in the history of the world.
I was heading towards Kerferd Rd pier with Lee Lemons for our first beach fitness session, and I'm thinking to myself, "You are an important finance type guy. You definitely could have said you were busy with end of financial year stuff and got out of this. You've been using that excuse at work for a week now and everyone has bought it"
But no, I had sucked it up, put on a couple of t-shirts, a jumper, a coat and a beanie, and was going to training. We parked at the beach and eventually found the rest of the squad. The Mac and Mossy were missing, Hullsy was off steering Blaze towards the finals and the Official Squad Paparazzo was off trying to get a shot of Dannii Minogue's baby-bump, but everyone else was present and accounted for.
We went down and met the sand, got introduced to various wooden posts, and then went back to the bags to drop trou. However just before said trou reached half-mast, Dave, or as I renamed him that night, You-Freaking-Legend, announced that Night 1 was to be a team-bonding session, exercise cancelled.
Milkshakes, pizzas with king prawns whacked on-top, beers and no exercise, finally a training regime I can fully support.
Still waiting for Girl To Be Named Later to be named, we have realised we probably need someone who speaks French, otherwise none of us may ever get our meals or Valeer Milkshakes ever again.
I was heading towards Kerferd Rd pier with Lee Lemons for our first beach fitness session, and I'm thinking to myself, "You are an important finance type guy. You definitely could have said you were busy with end of financial year stuff and got out of this. You've been using that excuse at work for a week now and everyone has bought it"
But no, I had sucked it up, put on a couple of t-shirts, a jumper, a coat and a beanie, and was going to training. We parked at the beach and eventually found the rest of the squad. The Mac and Mossy were missing, Hullsy was off steering Blaze towards the finals and the Official Squad Paparazzo was off trying to get a shot of Dannii Minogue's baby-bump, but everyone else was present and accounted for.
We went down and met the sand, got introduced to various wooden posts, and then went back to the bags to drop trou. However just before said trou reached half-mast, Dave, or as I renamed him that night, You-Freaking-Legend, announced that Night 1 was to be a team-bonding session, exercise cancelled.
Milkshakes, pizzas with king prawns whacked on-top, beers and no exercise, finally a training regime I can fully support.
Still waiting for Girl To Be Named Later to be named, we have realised we probably need someone who speaks French, otherwise none of us may ever get our meals or Valeer Milkshakes ever again.
It's Time To Meet The Squad
Let's meet the squad for 2010, I would say that the order is random, but I just took it straight from the letter that Mel sent out;
Pictures will probably be added once the Team Archivist gets her hands on enough pictures.
Dave Smith (Coach) - according to The Urban Dictionary, "Dave" is defined as "A term used to refer to the coolest person in a group." - "Oh man, I was the Dave of the party.". So he's got that going for him.
Esther Coppin (Team Manager) - if she'd married Garry instead of Geoff, she'd be Esther Bester. Please let that be the first time that joke has been used.
Garry Bester (Therapist) - he's part analyst and part therapist, what we call an Anal-Rapist. Thank you Arrested Development.
Anthony Collinder - we call him Tonah because once you get him on your hands, he's impossible to get rid of. Either that or because he likes Ice Cream Conah's, one of those.
Ryan Miller - a.k.a. Ryza, a.k.a. Ryanair. He's your go-to-guy for cheap European flights.
Alex McPhie - The Mac, in England he'd just be known as The Raincoat.
Kyle Dohnt - Bav. True story, he once asked for A VB so many times one day, that he started slurring badly and saying B AV, and it stuck. Not a true story.
Renee Hulls - will be known as Renee Sculls by the end of Presentation Night.
Kylie Malone - Malone is an Irish name, Ryanair is an Irish airline. I see a conspiracy here...
Karen Moss - Mossy, not Mossey and definitely not Moosey. Brisbane's greatest captain was a redhead named Vossy. I'm definitely seeing some parallels here.
Lee Jacobs - much more commonly known as Lee Lemons It's Not A Sexual Thing, Lemons for short.
Rebecca Michelini - likes to go to restaurants and award them Michelini stars, also owns the Michelini tyre company.
Girl To Be Named Later - Very popular with people at nightclubs. "Tonight I am definitely going home with Girl To Be Named Later"
Lauren Atkin (Team Subject Matter Expert) - Surely if Loz can give up the drink for nine months, Tonah can give it up for the nine days in Queensland? Definitely not I think... Get your own blog Tonah...
Elisa Caldwell (Team Archivist) - if you think someone is watching you, you are probably right. She has a powerful zoom lens, a lightning fast trigger finger and a sixth sense for nip-slips. I think she killed Princess Di...
Pictures will probably be added once the Team Archivist gets her hands on enough pictures.
Dave Smith (Coach) - according to The Urban Dictionary, "Dave" is defined as "A term used to refer to the coolest person in a group." - "Oh man, I was the Dave of the party.". So he's got that going for him.
Esther Coppin (Team Manager) - if she'd married Garry instead of Geoff, she'd be Esther Bester. Please let that be the first time that joke has been used.
Garry Bester (Therapist) - he's part analyst and part therapist, what we call an Anal-Rapist. Thank you Arrested Development.
Anthony Collinder - we call him Tonah because once you get him on your hands, he's impossible to get rid of. Either that or because he likes Ice Cream Conah's, one of those.
Ryan Miller - a.k.a. Ryza, a.k.a. Ryanair. He's your go-to-guy for cheap European flights.
Alex McPhie - The Mac, in England he'd just be known as The Raincoat.
Kyle Dohnt - Bav. True story, he once asked for A VB so many times one day, that he started slurring badly and saying B AV, and it stuck. Not a true story.
Renee Hulls - will be known as Renee Sculls by the end of Presentation Night.
Kylie Malone - Malone is an Irish name, Ryanair is an Irish airline. I see a conspiracy here...
Karen Moss - Mossy, not Mossey and definitely not Moosey. Brisbane's greatest captain was a redhead named Vossy. I'm definitely seeing some parallels here.
Lee Jacobs - much more commonly known as Lee Lemons It's Not A Sexual Thing, Lemons for short.
Rebecca Michelini - likes to go to restaurants and award them Michelini stars, also owns the Michelini tyre company.
Girl To Be Named Later - Very popular with people at nightclubs. "Tonight I am definitely going home with Girl To Be Named Later"
Lauren Atkin (Team Subject Matter Expert) - Surely if Loz can give up the drink for nine months, Tonah can give it up for the nine days in Queensland? Definitely not I think... Get your own blog Tonah...
Elisa Caldwell (Team Archivist) - if you think someone is watching you, you are probably right. She has a powerful zoom lens, a lightning fast trigger finger and a sixth sense for nip-slips. I think she killed Princess Di...
The Induction
I didn't get along to Nationals trials, so our story starts on June 25th on a rainy Friday night out in Croydon. I knew that the brains-trust for the 2010 Mixed side were coming along to take a look at Lee Lemons to see whether she had the right stuff, but to be perfectly honest I was paying more attention to the Geelong vs. St Kilda game that was on TV at the same time.
As luck would have it, we were playing a fairly non-competitive team, let's call them the Northern Territory of Friday nights, and everyone looked pretty good as we compiled a 75-10 victory. So it came as no surprise when Lemons got the call telling her that she was in.
The next call however was much more surprising. According to urban legend, when Dave Smith calls and the time plus the number of drinks you have consumed adds up to be more than twelve, you will say yes to whatever he asks. So it was 10 o'clock and I had had 5 beers, so when he called me up and offered me a spot in the squad, I wanted to say yes straight away, but I made him wait a whole extra day, because that's the type of guy I am.
But what exactly had I gotten myself into? Only time would tell...
As luck would have it, we were playing a fairly non-competitive team, let's call them the Northern Territory of Friday nights, and everyone looked pretty good as we compiled a 75-10 victory. So it came as no surprise when Lemons got the call telling her that she was in.
The next call however was much more surprising. According to urban legend, when Dave Smith calls and the time plus the number of drinks you have consumed adds up to be more than twelve, you will say yes to whatever he asks. So it was 10 o'clock and I had had 5 beers, so when he called me up and offered me a spot in the squad, I wanted to say yes straight away, but I made him wait a whole extra day, because that's the type of guy I am.
But what exactly had I gotten myself into? Only time would tell...
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