The article in The Age was talking about how this Wednesday was going to be one of the coldest, wettest and windiest days on record and that the SES was on standby for a flood of emergency calls. But Dave knew better, he told the team that a little water wouldn't hurt anyone and that the beach session was still going ahead.
Personally I thought it was a trust exercise, he was just testing us to see which people would make feeble excuses not to show-up, but no he was serious. And his faith was justified, despite a plethora of ponchos supplied by The Mac, the rain stopped right at 6.30 and it was a lovely night for training.
For those of you scoring at home, the number of people with feeble excuses not to show-up: 1 - Is M-League even a real thing Hullsy? Poor form.
Taking the conditions into account, tonight's session placed more emphasis on continual movement and recovery rather than the stop-start stuff we'd done previously. So we did some broad jumps with some run-throughs, some high-knee action, and some butt-flicks. A friend of mine in Canberra makes pretty good money doing butt-flicks, but I can't in good conscience give you the link to the website.
We then were told to organise ourselves from fittest to not-fittest based on our own judgement. I was too far away to see what was going on down the fit end of the line, but Ryzah, The Mac, Lemons and Mossy were up there in some order, then I had asthma-riddled Bec on my left and Tonah on my right, with Kylie one spot further down. Woohoo, not last! This must be how Steven Bradbury feels all the time. What an adrenalin rush.
We then did a circle drill, it basically entailed running clockwise for 2 and a half minutes at about 40-50% effort, and then counter-clockwise for the same time frame. Because Gen Y people have terrible attention deficit disorder, and Dave was worried about some of the team wandering off to play with seagulls (Bec!), to keep things interesting, at any time he could yell out 1 of 4 things; Sprint - 5 quick strides, max effort, Back - 5 steps backward, Burpee - 2 burpees (I hate you burpees my old nemesis) or Push-Up - 5 push-ups.
So we did that on a triangular course, it was my favourite type of triangle, isosceles. The course was made up of two volleyball posts and Leesy's umbrella, in fact Leesy's umbrella was in almost every drill. It was very cruel when Dave started calling the umbrella Esther, but maybe that was just because he missed her so much.
Did the clockwise, did the anti-clockwise, burpees got taken down from two to one with a couple of minutes to go. Push-ups were a killer though, it was an off-day as mandated by my 100 Pushups iPhone app, very cruel.
Then we split into two groups, and had a race. It was a magnificent piece of handicapping by Dave as it turned out to be a dead-heat after 4 run-throughs each. Thank goodness no-one asked for a re-match. And then it all turned racist.
Dave set-up another triangle, this one was scalene I believe, and then asked us to start running in Indian-file fashion. Well didn't this set some people off. "Do you mean Native American file or Sachin Tendulkar file?", says Ryzah. "Indian-file", says Dave. "Is maize a staple of our diet, or is it rice?", asks Kylie. "Indian-file", says Dave. "Do I worship the Great Water Buffalo or the many arms of Ganesh?", inquires Lemons. "Indian-file and now you are doing it twice", says Dave. "Shut the F up", says Tonah. And that's why he's the captain.
So it's Indian-file with a slight twist, instead of the person at the back sprinting to the front, in this format the person at the front, sprints round the course and latches onto the back of the group. "Ah, Sachin Tendulkar-file", nods Ryzah. And off we go, and it's quite an effort, the course isn't huge, but it's not teeny either. Leesy's umbrella gets knocked over a couple of times, and Dave lets everyone know that touching ze umbrella ist verboten. Schnell, SCHNELL!
We work the straight sections, use good footwork to get in and out of the corners, and finally it's over. Now I know why there are so many skinny Indians...
Now, at the last Saturday session, Dave went over to Leesy and Loz, that Bav, he says, he's like Neo from The Matrix, you tell him something and then a little while later he knows it. So he's like The Matrix if it ran on a Commodore 64 says Leesy.
Well that's very funny, but what they never mention in that movie, is that Neo has lived his whole life inside that weird fluid bubble thing, it's only natural that when they take him out of it, he may not have the flexibility of a normal person, his hamstrings might be fragile for instance. So it was terribly ironic when I went sprinting down to the first post against the evil Lemons, that the old hammy just went ping!
I was hoping for cramp, but no such luck I am afraid, it looks like a 2-3 week thing. And worst of all, Leesy went out and picked up a compression wrap to assist with the recovery process, the Neo-X.
But don't worry, I will walk again. This beach, it heals people...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
We're On A Mission From God
Authors Note: The following was written after an overdose of cold and flu tablets and after receiving a deep tissue hamstring massage that is most likely banned by the Geneva Convention.
It finally happened, the band was back together. I mean from a technical perspective you could say that Es was in London (Esther from Manchester?), but in terms of this Blues Brothers analogy, she's more the Nun that beats people with rulers, than the sax player with the awesome hair. Actual picture of the sax player not that awesome, so here is Zoot from the Muppet's...
Groovy...
Anyhow, in a very long-winded manner, what I am trying to say, that apart from the extremely shy Girl To Be Named Later, who apparently isn't related to Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, all the squad members were at a training session at the same time for the first time ever.
And what a training session it was. The Mac invented a new drill that was going to be called, "Lee Lemons Lack Of Lay-Up Labilities" but because my spell-checker kept trying to turn labilities into something inappropriate about lady parts, the drill will now be called, The One With Two Netball's In The Corner and Each Person Has To Run Up, Shoot A Goal, Put The Ball Back and Then Run Back. Good drill, needs a better name.
Now speaking of better names, the very astute Loz has correctly identified that certain squad members are not pulling their weight when it comes to nicknames. Let's review;
Tone - Tonah, Beardo, Captain - Good nickname leadership there
Karen - Mossy, Tenille, Vichael Moss - Excellent nickname deputy-leadership, you are the Julie Bishop of netball.
Alex - The Mac, The Mac & Cheese, Big Mac, Mac Daddy - Very impressive
Bav - Bavro, Neo - not thrilled with that last one, but the crowd seems to like it
Bec - Your Nickname Here - hmmmm
Dave - Your Couches Are Ugly And Floral - nicknames can be so cruel...
Elisa - Leesy, Sleazy Leezy, Whitepages - her nicknames progress as she has a few drinks
Esther - Es, Boss, Esther Bester from Hesta - your name rhymes with everything, that's the first step to being a rap superstar
Kylie - Malone, Kylee Lemons - that second one is just confusing, more work required
Lee - Lemons - love it, are we sure it's not sexual?
Loz - Goldy, Frontal Lozotomy, Get This Thing Out Of Me - what she says about the baby now, what she should have said to Beardo six months ago
Renee - Hullsy, Officer - stern but effective
Ryan - Ryzah, Matthew Ryzahrdson - second one makes him too excited to run, stick to Ryzah
So that's it, you are all on notice, we need something cruel and lovable to yell out to Bec and Kylie as we run around, get brain-storming!
However despite the lack of universally great nicknames, it was actually a very productive training session. The whole team really bonded together when Captain Tonah ran himself past the point of exhaustion and all the way into the men's bathroom, that is real leadership, and bulimic teens everywhere could really learn from that example.
It finally happened, the band was back together. I mean from a technical perspective you could say that Es was in London (Esther from Manchester?), but in terms of this Blues Brothers analogy, she's more the Nun that beats people with rulers, than the sax player with the awesome hair. Actual picture of the sax player not that awesome, so here is Zoot from the Muppet's...
Anyhow, in a very long-winded manner, what I am trying to say, that apart from the extremely shy Girl To Be Named Later, who apparently isn't related to Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, all the squad members were at a training session at the same time for the first time ever.
And what a training session it was. The Mac invented a new drill that was going to be called, "Lee Lemons Lack Of Lay-Up Labilities" but because my spell-checker kept trying to turn labilities into something inappropriate about lady parts, the drill will now be called, The One With Two Netball's In The Corner and Each Person Has To Run Up, Shoot A Goal, Put The Ball Back and Then Run Back. Good drill, needs a better name.
Now speaking of better names, the very astute Loz has correctly identified that certain squad members are not pulling their weight when it comes to nicknames. Let's review;
Tone - Tonah, Beardo, Captain - Good nickname leadership there
Karen - Mossy, Tenille, Vichael Moss - Excellent nickname deputy-leadership, you are the Julie Bishop of netball.
Alex - The Mac, The Mac & Cheese, Big Mac, Mac Daddy - Very impressive
Bav - Bavro, Neo - not thrilled with that last one, but the crowd seems to like it
Bec - Your Nickname Here - hmmmm
Dave - Your Couches Are Ugly And Floral - nicknames can be so cruel...
Elisa - Leesy, Sleazy Leezy, Whitepages - her nicknames progress as she has a few drinks
Esther - Es, Boss, Esther Bester from Hesta - your name rhymes with everything, that's the first step to being a rap superstar
Kylie - Malone, Kylee Lemons - that second one is just confusing, more work required
Lee - Lemons - love it, are we sure it's not sexual?
Loz - Goldy, Frontal Lozotomy, Get This Thing Out Of Me - what she says about the baby now, what she should have said to Beardo six months ago
Renee - Hullsy, Officer - stern but effective
Ryan - Ryzah, Matthew Ryzahrdson - second one makes him too excited to run, stick to Ryzah
So that's it, you are all on notice, we need something cruel and lovable to yell out to Bec and Kylie as we run around, get brain-storming!
However despite the lack of universally great nicknames, it was actually a very productive training session. The whole team really bonded together when Captain Tonah ran himself past the point of exhaustion and all the way into the men's bathroom, that is real leadership, and bulimic teens everywhere could really learn from that example.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Human Centipede
I thought for sure that after sitting through The Human Centipede (Rated MA for Mouth to Ass) that I had seen the worst movie of 2010, and then came the Wednesday video session at Dave's. 20 minutes of Loz standing against a net and Leesy drinking tea, and that was with some liberal use of the fast forward button.
To be fair, the special effects were pretty good, one time Tonah ran behind Loz and by the time he came out on the other side, his beard was a full two-centimetres longer. Please read that as a compliment to Tonah's beard-growing ability, rather than a comment on the slowness of Tonah or the pregnantness of our Subject Matter Expert.
However once Leesy had finished her tea and moved behind the camera, the action started to pick up, and for a review of what happened in that session, you should read the blog entry titled, "I'm On A Horse", don't worry I'll wait...I'm particularly happy with the strap-on joke...that was a good one...and we are done.
So watching the session back, we had the opportunity to learn a few things. Firstly, when everyone runs to the right spot and cuts with purpose, it's a pretty thing to watch. Secondly, that ability to make the parallel pass and reset the attack is very handy. Thirdly, at some point in time, Dave will squeeze the ball so hard that it will explode. Fourthly, someone will be standing in the way when the ball does explode so we won't capture it on camera.
Other important news to come out of another wet and cold Wednesday evening... it was Mossy's last day at Barloworld Holden. To make her feel better, we insisted that The Mac order his pizza with no anchovies so as to maintain good oral freshness. That however didn't seem like much of a gift compared to the bunch of flowers she had already gotten, so we made her Vice Captain as well.
Then with the Vice Captaincy already out of the bag, it was announced that Beardo would be Captain. "Hey Beardo, vote Quimby!"
So, have you ever been out with a bunch of netballers and you've heard a complete stranger shout out across the room, "Hey Bavro, you're the bomb!" Of course you have, but you have slightly misheard what was being said, this internet-savvy, weather-curious stranger was actually saying, "Hey Bavro, you're the BOM". That's because in my spare time I'm a semi-professional weather man known as The Bavro Of Meteorology, or The BOM.
Visit me online at www.bom.gov.au don't be confused by the .gov part, I'm not an elected official, that actually refers to my preferred payment methods, Gin Or Vodka
The Bavro Of Meteorology is predicting rain for this evening and lots of it. That will be two gin squashes, thanks.
To be fair, the special effects were pretty good, one time Tonah ran behind Loz and by the time he came out on the other side, his beard was a full two-centimetres longer. Please read that as a compliment to Tonah's beard-growing ability, rather than a comment on the slowness of Tonah or the pregnantness of our Subject Matter Expert.
However once Leesy had finished her tea and moved behind the camera, the action started to pick up, and for a review of what happened in that session, you should read the blog entry titled, "I'm On A Horse", don't worry I'll wait...I'm particularly happy with the strap-on joke...that was a good one...and we are done.
So watching the session back, we had the opportunity to learn a few things. Firstly, when everyone runs to the right spot and cuts with purpose, it's a pretty thing to watch. Secondly, that ability to make the parallel pass and reset the attack is very handy. Thirdly, at some point in time, Dave will squeeze the ball so hard that it will explode. Fourthly, someone will be standing in the way when the ball does explode so we won't capture it on camera.
Other important news to come out of another wet and cold Wednesday evening... it was Mossy's last day at Barloworld Holden. To make her feel better, we insisted that The Mac order his pizza with no anchovies so as to maintain good oral freshness. That however didn't seem like much of a gift compared to the bunch of flowers she had already gotten, so we made her Vice Captain as well.
Then with the Vice Captaincy already out of the bag, it was announced that Beardo would be Captain. "Hey Beardo, vote Quimby!"
So, have you ever been out with a bunch of netballers and you've heard a complete stranger shout out across the room, "Hey Bavro, you're the bomb!" Of course you have, but you have slightly misheard what was being said, this internet-savvy, weather-curious stranger was actually saying, "Hey Bavro, you're the BOM". That's because in my spare time I'm a semi-professional weather man known as The Bavro Of Meteorology, or The BOM.
Visit me online at www.bom.gov.au don't be confused by the .gov part, I'm not an elected official, that actually refers to my preferred payment methods, Gin Or Vodka
The Bavro Of Meteorology is predicting rain for this evening and lots of it. That will be two gin squashes, thanks.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I'm On A Horse
Ack, I write one blog entry out of sequence and now I can't get my head around where we were up to, plus while trying to type up this entry I have been watching Old Spice Guy response videos on line, which is really distracting, it's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love...
Dammit. So here's what we are going to do. We are going to squish the last two Saturday training sessions into one super post, and hopefully there will be enough material so that we can gloss over some of the dodgier attempts to complete drills. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds.
So strap yourself in, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Michelini, do not strap anything anywhere, this is not that type of website...
So over the last two weeks it turns out that everyone has kind of been available. Esther from Hesta missed a week when she was up in Brisbane, Hullsy bailed out of a session after pulling a 20 hour shift. Bec missed a session after being pursued by the cops in a 20 hour car chase, which is both an amazing coincidence and also a sign that good fuel economy is destroying our training sessions.
Hero of the fortnight has undoubtedly been Mossy, who has been keeping her fitness base at sky-high levels by showing up to trainings, strapping her injured leg to some type of rotating disc, and then hopping tiny laps on her good leg for a good 90 minutes. She does get extremely dizzy going round in circles constantly, but the nausea probably helps keep the weight off as well.
So last week we broke out the video camera for the first time this year, and word must have gotten out about this because everyone showed up in tv-friendly, slimming black and/or dark blue uniforms. That's the main reason I live in Victoria you know, the gut-friendly uniforms, those yellow WA tops or the NSW sky-blues do not suit a man of my plumpitude.
Joining the squad on the tv were the telegenic John & Laura, as well as the publicity hungry Darren Michelle...
State/Region: VIC Metro
Regional/Metropolitan Area: Southern
Location: Berwick
Manager: Darren Michelle
Mailing Address: PO Box 2055, Fountain Gate, 3805
Telephone: 0402 224 116
Mobile: 0402 224 116
Fax: (03) 8786 8771
E-mail: darren@kellysports.com.au
Easiest $16.50 I've ever made. Just 99 more commercials required and then the blog will have paid for my trip to Queensland...
So last week we started to work on our system for matriculating the ball down the court from our defence end to our attack end. And for the first 20 seconds, I thought this was going to be my time to shine, I was going to show Dave how I had been practising standing around with my arms crossed waiting for things to develop. But no, it turns out standing around is for attackers only, why anyone defends in netball remains a mystery to me.
Make that parallel pass, read your goal attack, get into the centre third, pin this person, release to the net, make that pass, footwork. I am not looking forward to the first 90 minutes of this video session at all...
Speaking of the video session, what is the dress code for this thing? Leesy had a bag of frocks out last night, seriously, numerous party frocks. I was just going to grunge it up in yesterday's trackie dacks, but now I am not so sure...
Dammit. So here's what we are going to do. We are going to squish the last two Saturday training sessions into one super post, and hopefully there will be enough material so that we can gloss over some of the dodgier attempts to complete drills. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds.
So strap yourself in, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Michelini, do not strap anything anywhere, this is not that type of website...
So over the last two weeks it turns out that everyone has kind of been available. Esther from Hesta missed a week when she was up in Brisbane, Hullsy bailed out of a session after pulling a 20 hour shift. Bec missed a session after being pursued by the cops in a 20 hour car chase, which is both an amazing coincidence and also a sign that good fuel economy is destroying our training sessions.
Hero of the fortnight has undoubtedly been Mossy, who has been keeping her fitness base at sky-high levels by showing up to trainings, strapping her injured leg to some type of rotating disc, and then hopping tiny laps on her good leg for a good 90 minutes. She does get extremely dizzy going round in circles constantly, but the nausea probably helps keep the weight off as well.
So last week we broke out the video camera for the first time this year, and word must have gotten out about this because everyone showed up in tv-friendly, slimming black and/or dark blue uniforms. That's the main reason I live in Victoria you know, the gut-friendly uniforms, those yellow WA tops or the NSW sky-blues do not suit a man of my plumpitude.
Joining the squad on the tv were the telegenic John & Laura, as well as the publicity hungry Darren Michelle...
State/Region: VIC Metro
Regional/Metropolitan Area: Southern
Location: Berwick
Manager: Darren Michelle
Mailing Address: PO Box 2055, Fountain Gate, 3805
Telephone: 0402 224 116
Mobile: 0402 224 116
Fax: (03) 8786 8771
E-mail: darren@kellysports.com.au
Easiest $16.50 I've ever made. Just 99 more commercials required and then the blog will have paid for my trip to Queensland...
So last week we started to work on our system for matriculating the ball down the court from our defence end to our attack end. And for the first 20 seconds, I thought this was going to be my time to shine, I was going to show Dave how I had been practising standing around with my arms crossed waiting for things to develop. But no, it turns out standing around is for attackers only, why anyone defends in netball remains a mystery to me.
Make that parallel pass, read your goal attack, get into the centre third, pin this person, release to the net, make that pass, footwork. I am not looking forward to the first 90 minutes of this video session at all...
Speaking of the video session, what is the dress code for this thing? Leesy had a bag of frocks out last night, seriously, numerous party frocks. I was just going to grunge it up in yesterday's trackie dacks, but now I am not so sure...
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